It's been a few months since my last newsletter and much has occurred in my life, as I'm sure yours has too.
In March, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I'll share the gifts of this experience but I'm not going to pretend I wasn't riddled with fear, because I was. Many nights were spent crying myself to sleep begging my Mom and Dad in heaven to h
old my hand and not leave me. I never asked God, why me? But I did want to know how I was going to get through this. There was darkness but I'm learning to make friends with the darkness.
Magic #1: The cancer was detected very early. I did not need chemo nor radiation. And some day I'll tell the story of how one of my besties saved my life.
Magic #2: I've never felt more love from my family and friends. My sister took me to almost every doctor's appointments and bravely smiled and held my hand as I was wheeled off to 3 surgeries. My brother stayed overnight with me in the hospital and woke up ever 3-4 hours to help me walk to the bathroom. Finally, my high school friends flew from all over the country to take care of me for two weeks straight; each person taking 2-3 days.
Magic #3: Acceptance of love. I never felt more scared in my life. And I never felt more love in my life.
I bet you had a sentinel moment like this. That moment when you surrender even when you feel like you can't breathe or can't go on. And let me tell you, there were days when I didn't want to get out of bed. And somehow, we make it through. We don't know how or why but we do. And when we get out on the other end, our life is that much richer because of it.
It was maybe a week or two after my diagnosis and friends invited me to see the movie, A Good Person. They said it was a dramatic comedy so I was all in! 30 minutes into the movie, I realized this was NOT a dramatic comedy but a very very sad drama. I had no head or heart space for this kind of film. But right before I was about to leave, there was a scene about acceptance and extreme forgiveness. I was hooked. But it wasn't just about that scene, it was about the a quote that stuck with me. Morgan Freeman's character had a tattoo that said, Amor Fati which means in Latin, to love thy fate.
I could not stop thinking about this phrase Amor Fati. For days and weeks, this phrase was on my heart. It was calling me. And when I realized what it meant, everything made sense.
So, even though the Failing Forward podcast has sunset, Amor Fati is coming to you soon! Be on the lookout for more on how to love your fate.
Yours in failing and in living!
Sarah
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